We live in dangerous times. We live in times where the ease with which the collective psyche of people can be swayed by diktats of color, caste, creed and be manipulated to affect a blood soaked outcome. For a country like India , this is specially dangerous because the reason behind the above mentioned fear increases exponentially due to the huge number of languages , castes , sub-castes that are prevalent here. The saddest part is that we are conditioned to believe in all this by the very society that tries to preach communal harmony on say 15th august or Gandhi Jayanti.
My first personal exposure to this cancerous school of thought was in school where a friend of mine who was a shade darker than us supposedly blessed folks was referred to as a BHANGI/CHAMAAR.At first it didnt register what exactly they meant by it but i took it as a harmless slang thats used by students just like anywhere else. I came back home and asked my father what it meant. My father asked me where I had heard it and I told him about the incident in school. I dont remember what my father said then but I realized that this slang dug deeper than the other ones and came out of some misplaced sense of superiority that the people who used it had. Everyday there are countless instances of humans being subjected to some or the other filter that is based on their surname or where they are from. The most amazing and distrurbing defence we give for this is 'Its part of our 'rich' heritage to have hierarchies within societies so we the 'worthy' successors are carrying forward the tradition.' With a middle finger to logic and a refusal to see reason the rickety train of our social fabric chugs along crushing everything that comes in its way , be it the economically not so well to do or people who fight this.
The tragedy of the situation is that there are a thousand ways to kill reason such as honor killing, communal riots, female foeticide and the list is endless. There are families out there who wont think twice before killing their own children to save their 'face' in society. There are people out there who will come out with their daggers and swords and satisfy their bloodlust by killing as many as they can and in most cases without reason. There are men/women out there who will go to any extent to shut out the chances of their daughters-in-law concieving girls. If you feel I am overstating, check out the numbers on the govt of India website and you will know what I am talking about.
I as an Indian was ashamed when the bloodbath occured in gujarat post the Godhra massacre. The picture of a bajrang dal activist with a sword in his hand still sends shivers thinking about ,how misplaced anger can get so collectively brutal so as to bring down the machinery of an entire state.And we have a history of this as well. In pure MBA terms, the 1947 riots right after partition set a precedent, 1984 sikh riots was when we as a nation saw the Killers kill like no other, the 1993 Mumbai riots after the Babri Masjid demolition showed the real potential of our Killer instincts and now the latest shining addition to our CV of murder and mayhem-- the Gujarat riots.
If the above mentioned streak disturbs you then you have a very weak stomach because the reality on ground zero can unsettle the most battle hardened and when you see murders happening for reasons as petty as a bet you know the society is ticking like a time bomb ready to explode anytime.
Due to the openness of one region and the closedness of the other , we form our own region-based biases e.g. anybody from the south is a madrasi and this I have experienced in the north ,while down south I am a high headed northy who is not a hard-worker. Just look at the contrasting opinions on the same person that people have without even knowing the person well enough. The point is who really has the time to sit and ponder so go for whats convenient and judge people based on that. The concept of Pluralism on which our country stands is a stunning irony to the problems that the country faces. Its like you are in the battelefield and your most potent weapon fires back on you.
In this story of mayhem, biases, murder, blood there are instances which do seem misplaced. Humane stories of retribution which do try and try really hard to restore some of the lost faith. I will share two here --
-- During the 1984 riots in Delhi, on a stormy night in Delhi when there was chaos all around, there was a knock on the door of a young ,married couple living in Saket, South Delhi. It was the time of curphews, police sirens and absolute lack of trust. The couple slowly goes and opens the door.At the gate is a sardar who is absolutely numb with fear. The man realises it is his best friend. The couple take the sardar in. He tells them he was being followed by a mob. The couple gives him food and ask him to stay over for the night.
10 years later -- The sardar is now settled in Canada and runs a successful restaurant business but does not forget to call the couple on every diwali.
--During the riots in Godhra, 3 hindu kids were chased by a mob which was baying for their blood. As the 3 kids ran with each other hand in hand they took shelter in a house. The kids were scared numb and were trying not to make any noise. Suddenly someone came into the house and saw the kids. The kids panicked and started screaming. The man very gently calmed them down, gave them water and asked about them. The kids told him their parents were killed by ' Kharaab log'. The man offered them food and asked them to sleep. The kids woke up in the morning to see the man who saved them read his Namaaz.
These few instances do spark off a debate whether we can really hold on to some semblance of sanity that may be left in us but the constant negativity that surrounds forces us to rethink.There are no easy answers to a question like whether we have the will-power to overcome our differences for a greater common good but on the path towards achieving that, one thing is for sure.. There will be blood...
P.S.
1.The couple in the first example refers to my parents and the sardar is one of my father's closest friends.
2.The second story has been sourced from the Godhra archives.
3.Think about it, have you ever referred to someone in a derogatory manner whhich was not a slang per se but more a pointer to someone's surname. I have done it and I feel ashamed by it.. What about you?
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
The seven stages ....
Coming back to the good old topic of love , how many of us really take love to be the journey as is told by poets, philosophers and thinkers.
There are divided opinions on whether love is infatuation or blind obsessions or just plain affection. During my search for the next subject to write on , I came across a brilliant definition for love. Call it a definition or romanticizing the idea, but the catch is , it makes one see a completely new aspect to love.
The concept goes something like this.
There are seven stages of love --
1.HAB (Attraction)
2. UNS (Infatuation)
3. ISHQ (Love)
4. AQEEDAT (Reverence)
5. IBADAT (Worship)
6. JUNOON (Obsession)
7. MAUT (Death)
When we talk of this , we stick to the love between a man and a woman. This set me thinking and I coudnt help but wonder, how perfectly the essence of a true relationship has been captured in these seven stages.
Yes it does romanticize it and the idea is way too utopian for the ' Realists' but it does put things in perspective for those who are ready to believe in the concept of love that is all - conquering.
I have my own take on each of these stages and it goes something like this --
HAB --
When one talks about looking at someone and falling for him/her instantly, it is a reference to the attraction that takes place on a physical level. The concept of 'love at first sight' isnt what i am pointing out. What is worth noting is that it all begins with plain attraction and it could be for reasons as lame as a clean-shaven look or a dress or for something as simple as a smile. See for yourself when you socialize or are surrounded by people. Its impossible to tell who has taken a fancy to you. Conversely you could easily take a liking towards someone on a whim. Its natural and very human....
UNNS --
Now , we come across so many people on a daily basis and we get attracted to more than one i am sure but then there comes someone who is beginning to become a bit more attention-worthy than others. That 'someone' occupies mind space at almost all times and its impossible to takle the image out of ur mind. Little things that are associated with that person begin to assume huge amounts of importance and before we know we cross the limit of attraction and enter a zone that is a little more focussed and singular in nature. In real life , this could happen owing to some level of interaction with that person and something that may just have clicked instantly. In certain cases , just stealing a glance can pump ur heart 10 times more than normal.
ISHQ --
The most misquoted, misused and misreferenced word of all. Now the picture of the person one is infatuated with is beginning to form something deeper and more meaningful within the mind. This is the stage when the interactions reach a personal level and the person is introduced to the 'real' side. It could be bright or dark depending on what is revealed. During the previous stage , the base for attraction was intrigue and physicality but on reaching here, the reasons are more platonic and beyond anything physical. The acceptance of the character flaws is beginning to take place albeit with a good amount of adjustment on part of both , but the intent of coming together is becoming more and more stronger. This is the level where a very normal feeling of comfort is experienced and the lovers learn to 'let go' as the undesired character traits are taken in stride.
AQEEDAT --
Beyond the stage of falling in love comes the stage where a considerable level of respect is developed between the partners , to the point that the feeling of loving each other is treated with reverence and respect. Repect here could be respect for the person, for the emotion that exists between the two. It reaches a point where ur partner takes precedence over any and everything else. This is critical given the times we live in where each person has a life of his/her own and is expected to understand the meaning of space. I personally believe that the definition for space is subjective but it can become an excuse for people to play god and see themselves as detached to any situation. When a level of respect has been reached the intensity of a relationship actually gets tested whether the intent to go all the way is still there or not.
IBADAT --
This is when the intensity of love towards one's partner reaches the level of god. He/she becomes the sole reason for one's existence and there is nothing that can come in between the two. At the beginning itself I had mentioned romanticizing the idea of love. This stage epitomizes that. We have been exposed to a lot of material which equates true love with the idea of god. This stage reiterates the fact that Love can actually take one over completely and leave nothing else or no other motivation for one's action. On a very personal note , me being the die hard romantic find this stage to be the perfect manifestation of the idea of love as this is when love happens with a level of unprecedented maturity and intensity which is a combination to be proud of. To be able to channelise all of one's energy and source it via love is an idea that is as difficult to achieve as it is beautiful to imagine.
JUNOON --
What is the next level of intensity beyond worship ? Obsession. At this stage the emotion of worship is mixed with blind possesiveness and that brings out the raw emotion hidden inside an individual. Reaching a state of obsession with the idea of love has the power to unleash the 'real' you as the sole intent of becoming one with the soul mate overpowers everything else. Obsession as a word itself has a very dangerous sound to it as it more often than not destroys things closest to you. In certain cases it may work out fine but as they say, when you fight for something you absolutely believe is yours , it tends to get messy. Come to think of it, you may end up surprising urself by going ahead and doing something u may never have imagined urself doing. Obsession does that to people and its power to make people ignore 'reason' is legendary.
MAUT --
I am a believer in the thing that only death can end true relationships. If something goes wrong between people and they end up separating , its helpful to accept the fact that the relationship was rigged from the start. It could have been immaturity, incorrect reasoning or just plain impulse. The topic of death is a dicey one as not many are comfotable with the idea of discussing it , thinking it to be not discussion worthy, but lets face it , it is the ultimate truth and if it has to come , it will. Think about it, before it actually comes to you, you have experienced true love and have actually managed to 'live' life.Trust me , death would not seem much of a bargain when compared with the feeling of being truly loved even once in life.
But then , thats why true love is so damn elusive... and perhaps not meant for everybody...
There are divided opinions on whether love is infatuation or blind obsessions or just plain affection. During my search for the next subject to write on , I came across a brilliant definition for love. Call it a definition or romanticizing the idea, but the catch is , it makes one see a completely new aspect to love.
The concept goes something like this.
There are seven stages of love --
1.HAB (Attraction)
2. UNS (Infatuation)
3. ISHQ (Love)
4. AQEEDAT (Reverence)
5. IBADAT (Worship)
6. JUNOON (Obsession)
7. MAUT (Death)
When we talk of this , we stick to the love between a man and a woman. This set me thinking and I coudnt help but wonder, how perfectly the essence of a true relationship has been captured in these seven stages.
Yes it does romanticize it and the idea is way too utopian for the ' Realists' but it does put things in perspective for those who are ready to believe in the concept of love that is all - conquering.
I have my own take on each of these stages and it goes something like this --
HAB --
When one talks about looking at someone and falling for him/her instantly, it is a reference to the attraction that takes place on a physical level. The concept of 'love at first sight' isnt what i am pointing out. What is worth noting is that it all begins with plain attraction and it could be for reasons as lame as a clean-shaven look or a dress or for something as simple as a smile. See for yourself when you socialize or are surrounded by people. Its impossible to tell who has taken a fancy to you. Conversely you could easily take a liking towards someone on a whim. Its natural and very human....
UNNS --
Now , we come across so many people on a daily basis and we get attracted to more than one i am sure but then there comes someone who is beginning to become a bit more attention-worthy than others. That 'someone' occupies mind space at almost all times and its impossible to takle the image out of ur mind. Little things that are associated with that person begin to assume huge amounts of importance and before we know we cross the limit of attraction and enter a zone that is a little more focussed and singular in nature. In real life , this could happen owing to some level of interaction with that person and something that may just have clicked instantly. In certain cases , just stealing a glance can pump ur heart 10 times more than normal.
ISHQ --
The most misquoted, misused and misreferenced word of all. Now the picture of the person one is infatuated with is beginning to form something deeper and more meaningful within the mind. This is the stage when the interactions reach a personal level and the person is introduced to the 'real' side. It could be bright or dark depending on what is revealed. During the previous stage , the base for attraction was intrigue and physicality but on reaching here, the reasons are more platonic and beyond anything physical. The acceptance of the character flaws is beginning to take place albeit with a good amount of adjustment on part of both , but the intent of coming together is becoming more and more stronger. This is the level where a very normal feeling of comfort is experienced and the lovers learn to 'let go' as the undesired character traits are taken in stride.
AQEEDAT --
Beyond the stage of falling in love comes the stage where a considerable level of respect is developed between the partners , to the point that the feeling of loving each other is treated with reverence and respect. Repect here could be respect for the person, for the emotion that exists between the two. It reaches a point where ur partner takes precedence over any and everything else. This is critical given the times we live in where each person has a life of his/her own and is expected to understand the meaning of space. I personally believe that the definition for space is subjective but it can become an excuse for people to play god and see themselves as detached to any situation. When a level of respect has been reached the intensity of a relationship actually gets tested whether the intent to go all the way is still there or not.
IBADAT --
This is when the intensity of love towards one's partner reaches the level of god. He/she becomes the sole reason for one's existence and there is nothing that can come in between the two. At the beginning itself I had mentioned romanticizing the idea of love. This stage epitomizes that. We have been exposed to a lot of material which equates true love with the idea of god. This stage reiterates the fact that Love can actually take one over completely and leave nothing else or no other motivation for one's action. On a very personal note , me being the die hard romantic find this stage to be the perfect manifestation of the idea of love as this is when love happens with a level of unprecedented maturity and intensity which is a combination to be proud of. To be able to channelise all of one's energy and source it via love is an idea that is as difficult to achieve as it is beautiful to imagine.
JUNOON --
What is the next level of intensity beyond worship ? Obsession. At this stage the emotion of worship is mixed with blind possesiveness and that brings out the raw emotion hidden inside an individual. Reaching a state of obsession with the idea of love has the power to unleash the 'real' you as the sole intent of becoming one with the soul mate overpowers everything else. Obsession as a word itself has a very dangerous sound to it as it more often than not destroys things closest to you. In certain cases it may work out fine but as they say, when you fight for something you absolutely believe is yours , it tends to get messy. Come to think of it, you may end up surprising urself by going ahead and doing something u may never have imagined urself doing. Obsession does that to people and its power to make people ignore 'reason' is legendary.
MAUT --
I am a believer in the thing that only death can end true relationships. If something goes wrong between people and they end up separating , its helpful to accept the fact that the relationship was rigged from the start. It could have been immaturity, incorrect reasoning or just plain impulse. The topic of death is a dicey one as not many are comfotable with the idea of discussing it , thinking it to be not discussion worthy, but lets face it , it is the ultimate truth and if it has to come , it will. Think about it, before it actually comes to you, you have experienced true love and have actually managed to 'live' life.Trust me , death would not seem much of a bargain when compared with the feeling of being truly loved even once in life.
But then , thats why true love is so damn elusive... and perhaps not meant for everybody...
Monday, October 18, 2010
I am ashamed......
Life has its own way of teaching us the brutal realities that form the world. I am sharing 2 incidents that I have experienced.
2 major incidents that have shocked me, ashamed me and devastated my belief that one day things will become better.
INCIDENT 1:
I was travelling in a bus in Chennai when I saw the conductor scolding and threatening to hit a 5 year old boy if he din pay for his ticket. The cost-- a paltry Rs.2. What shcoked me was not , how the conductor behaved ( i took him to task , thats another matter!!!) but the absolutely cold and disgusting indifference shown by the supposedly educated people of society. The kid was being shouted at and due to my lack of knowledge of tamil i cudnt find out what all abuses the bastard conductormust have hurled at the kid. I jumped up to him and took the kid aside. and asked him to sit. I took out a Rs. 10 note and shoved it in the conductor's hand. As I started moving away the conductor asked me what is that for?? I turned around and due to my Delhi upbringing gave him some of the choicest of hindi abuses I cud think of and told him in hindi,
"2 rupaye teri ticket ke, 8 rupaye is bachche ki taraf se teri aukaat ke liye!!!'. Then I turned around and asked the people why all of them were silent when this conductor wasnt showing any decency towards the kid. I asked them , if what i did was the morality lecture they pass on to their kids why the hypocricy of looking the other way and avoiding conflict!!! I got nothing but some muted abuses and a cold look from everyone!! To be honest If I had a machine gun I wud have shot everyone then and there!!! The next stop came and I took the kid with me. It was Adyar bus depot and I took the kid to one of the many street food outlets behind the main bus stand!!! There I asked him what he wud like to have!! I ordered a plate of rice and started conversing with him in broken tamil. His name was Satya, and he was from Velachery. His mother was no more and he lived with his father and brother. Studied in some govt school in chennai and was in his uniform still without slippers. I was speaking to him when the restaurant owner came up to me with the rice and gave me a smile!. Seeing Satya eat , I wondered how many Satyas are there in this country who suffer humiliation everyday to earn a decent living and we " the refined educated upperclass " ppl keep trampling their little dreams under a misplaced sense of superiority. I asked for the bill but the restaurant owner simply said," Saar its ok, we hardly come across something like this. U dont need to pay for this." The way it was said, he connected this with himself at a level. I just returned a thanks and gave Satya a Rs. 50 note and asked him to take an auto and told the autowalah that,"n case this kid doesnt reach his home safely ur damned auto is going straight to the police compound. I have ur number." Satya sat happily and blew a kiss to me!! I just saw him go away happily!!! I dont know if he will remember me ever but I ran back to my apartment building and went straight to the terrace and broke down!! I t was more of helplessness than anything else!! I was completely shaken up by the casual attitude which ppl displayed towards something that is incorrect!! But maybe thats what I think!!!
INCIDENT NO.2
I was to visit a friend's place in Connaught place , New Delhi to attend his sister's birthday celebration. I took my car and reached his place. Maybe it was the traffic, or the incessant chatter on the radio or my cynicism that I had gotten a bit cranky along the way. This friend is fairly well to do and lives in one of the posh localities of Delhi which is over parked with cars and has bungalows on both sides of the road!! I bought a bouqet for his sister and was parking my car in front of his door. He came out with another friend and was helping find some space on the road. The three of us had met after a long time so started chatting and pulling each other's leg when we saw something that totally numbed us. We saw a man driving his scooter with his wife riding pillion suddenly get off the scooter and dragging his wife. He started slapping her and abbusing her. He hit her 4-5 times on the head and the blows were so hard we could here the sound. We saw the woman falling on the road. The brutality did not stop there as the man proceeded to hold her by the hair and pulling her to stand up. We three said enough is enough and ran towards them. We blasted the guy and separated the two of them. I saw the woman having bruises on her faces and the husband apparently drunk. I dont know if it was natural or induced but I clenched my teeth and experienced a blood rush towards my brain. One friend tried to help the woman find a seat and the two of us confronted the man. The conversation went like this -:
The man: Mere ghar ke maamle mein mat pado!! kaun ho bey tum!!
Us: saale apni biwi ko maarte hue sharam nhn aati!!! police ko bulaake jail karwaa denge tujhe samjha!!!
The man : Bulaao saale police ko , tum ko phansaya nhn naa to batana!!!
Us: beep beeep beeeep!!! saale namard !!! aurat ko maarke mard banta hai!!! hai dum toh aa !!!
The man(approaching us!!) : Tum ho kaun beyy!! yahaan pe 4 log khade hain unhone kuchh nhn kaha!! tum kya meri biwi ke yaar lagte ho!!!
Us: ABey 2 take ki aukaat nhn hai teri!! apni biwi ke baare mein bakwaas kar raha hai!!! beep beeeep!!!! teri maa ki aankh!!! tu jail gaya saale!!!
The man approached us and we three were locked and almost came to blows when others intervened!!! The man did not stop and still approached and this time both of us had decided if he touched us then fuck jail, fuck everything!!
The something happened that I hadnt expected, something that ran a chill down my spine and had me in absolute despair!! His wife, badly beaten and bruised came up to us and said," Please leave him, he is my husband!! jaane dijiye!!" We were too stunned to react!!! We let the man go and the bastard kept on saying," Saale agli baar mile toh rape case mein andar karwa dunga!!!" He was taken away by his wife and we just stood there wondering what were we fighting for!!!!
To say that these are 2 big incidents is a gross understatement of the actual problem. We as a nation have internally become so spineless that we have accepted injustice as a part of life. We live with it, we commit it, we abet it and we choose to ignore it. But when it comes to standing up to it, we dont , why? because who wants to get his/her hands dirty!!! who wants 'faaltu ka naatak'. So if in the above two incidents you end up hating the conductor and the husband , please think of the last time , you discussed a problem but only tried to sound intelligent by showing off an opinion but failed to act on it. When the last time you saw the television and said , so much injustice , what is the country becoming really?? When you saw something happen on the road and became a part of the crowd to enjoy the 'tamasha'.? Think about it!!
Are we the problem??? Yes
Are we the solution ??? Yes
Then why the problem?? We, us , ourselves!!
To think , that I am in my own small manner contributing to the problem, is something I hate about myself and because of this very fact I am ashamed !!!!
2 major incidents that have shocked me, ashamed me and devastated my belief that one day things will become better.
INCIDENT 1:
I was travelling in a bus in Chennai when I saw the conductor scolding and threatening to hit a 5 year old boy if he din pay for his ticket. The cost-- a paltry Rs.2. What shcoked me was not , how the conductor behaved ( i took him to task , thats another matter!!!) but the absolutely cold and disgusting indifference shown by the supposedly educated people of society. The kid was being shouted at and due to my lack of knowledge of tamil i cudnt find out what all abuses the bastard conductormust have hurled at the kid. I jumped up to him and took the kid aside. and asked him to sit. I took out a Rs. 10 note and shoved it in the conductor's hand. As I started moving away the conductor asked me what is that for?? I turned around and due to my Delhi upbringing gave him some of the choicest of hindi abuses I cud think of and told him in hindi,
"2 rupaye teri ticket ke, 8 rupaye is bachche ki taraf se teri aukaat ke liye!!!'. Then I turned around and asked the people why all of them were silent when this conductor wasnt showing any decency towards the kid. I asked them , if what i did was the morality lecture they pass on to their kids why the hypocricy of looking the other way and avoiding conflict!!! I got nothing but some muted abuses and a cold look from everyone!! To be honest If I had a machine gun I wud have shot everyone then and there!!! The next stop came and I took the kid with me. It was Adyar bus depot and I took the kid to one of the many street food outlets behind the main bus stand!!! There I asked him what he wud like to have!! I ordered a plate of rice and started conversing with him in broken tamil. His name was Satya, and he was from Velachery. His mother was no more and he lived with his father and brother. Studied in some govt school in chennai and was in his uniform still without slippers. I was speaking to him when the restaurant owner came up to me with the rice and gave me a smile!. Seeing Satya eat , I wondered how many Satyas are there in this country who suffer humiliation everyday to earn a decent living and we " the refined educated upperclass " ppl keep trampling their little dreams under a misplaced sense of superiority. I asked for the bill but the restaurant owner simply said," Saar its ok, we hardly come across something like this. U dont need to pay for this." The way it was said, he connected this with himself at a level. I just returned a thanks and gave Satya a Rs. 50 note and asked him to take an auto and told the autowalah that,"n case this kid doesnt reach his home safely ur damned auto is going straight to the police compound. I have ur number." Satya sat happily and blew a kiss to me!! I just saw him go away happily!!! I dont know if he will remember me ever but I ran back to my apartment building and went straight to the terrace and broke down!! I t was more of helplessness than anything else!! I was completely shaken up by the casual attitude which ppl displayed towards something that is incorrect!! But maybe thats what I think!!!
INCIDENT NO.2
I was to visit a friend's place in Connaught place , New Delhi to attend his sister's birthday celebration. I took my car and reached his place. Maybe it was the traffic, or the incessant chatter on the radio or my cynicism that I had gotten a bit cranky along the way. This friend is fairly well to do and lives in one of the posh localities of Delhi which is over parked with cars and has bungalows on both sides of the road!! I bought a bouqet for his sister and was parking my car in front of his door. He came out with another friend and was helping find some space on the road. The three of us had met after a long time so started chatting and pulling each other's leg when we saw something that totally numbed us. We saw a man driving his scooter with his wife riding pillion suddenly get off the scooter and dragging his wife. He started slapping her and abbusing her. He hit her 4-5 times on the head and the blows were so hard we could here the sound. We saw the woman falling on the road. The brutality did not stop there as the man proceeded to hold her by the hair and pulling her to stand up. We three said enough is enough and ran towards them. We blasted the guy and separated the two of them. I saw the woman having bruises on her faces and the husband apparently drunk. I dont know if it was natural or induced but I clenched my teeth and experienced a blood rush towards my brain. One friend tried to help the woman find a seat and the two of us confronted the man. The conversation went like this -:
The man: Mere ghar ke maamle mein mat pado!! kaun ho bey tum!!
Us: saale apni biwi ko maarte hue sharam nhn aati!!! police ko bulaake jail karwaa denge tujhe samjha!!!
The man : Bulaao saale police ko , tum ko phansaya nhn naa to batana!!!
Us: beep beeep beeeep!!! saale namard !!! aurat ko maarke mard banta hai!!! hai dum toh aa !!!
The man(approaching us!!) : Tum ho kaun beyy!! yahaan pe 4 log khade hain unhone kuchh nhn kaha!! tum kya meri biwi ke yaar lagte ho!!!
Us: ABey 2 take ki aukaat nhn hai teri!! apni biwi ke baare mein bakwaas kar raha hai!!! beep beeeep!!!! teri maa ki aankh!!! tu jail gaya saale!!!
The man approached us and we three were locked and almost came to blows when others intervened!!! The man did not stop and still approached and this time both of us had decided if he touched us then fuck jail, fuck everything!!
The something happened that I hadnt expected, something that ran a chill down my spine and had me in absolute despair!! His wife, badly beaten and bruised came up to us and said," Please leave him, he is my husband!! jaane dijiye!!" We were too stunned to react!!! We let the man go and the bastard kept on saying," Saale agli baar mile toh rape case mein andar karwa dunga!!!" He was taken away by his wife and we just stood there wondering what were we fighting for!!!!
To say that these are 2 big incidents is a gross understatement of the actual problem. We as a nation have internally become so spineless that we have accepted injustice as a part of life. We live with it, we commit it, we abet it and we choose to ignore it. But when it comes to standing up to it, we dont , why? because who wants to get his/her hands dirty!!! who wants 'faaltu ka naatak'. So if in the above two incidents you end up hating the conductor and the husband , please think of the last time , you discussed a problem but only tried to sound intelligent by showing off an opinion but failed to act on it. When the last time you saw the television and said , so much injustice , what is the country becoming really?? When you saw something happen on the road and became a part of the crowd to enjoy the 'tamasha'.? Think about it!!
Are we the problem??? Yes
Are we the solution ??? Yes
Then why the problem?? We, us , ourselves!!
To think , that I am in my own small manner contributing to the problem, is something I hate about myself and because of this very fact I am ashamed !!!!
Saturday, October 9, 2010
The romance... the magic... the sheer aura of DDLJ .. My first celluloid crush!!!!
For anyone born during the mid to late eighties and having had the luck of living in the times when India saw a change in its economic and social fabric, the era was marked by various landmarks. Being part of a family that is crazy about movies and everything about them, there was one particular occasion that defined the post 90's era in hindi films.That occasion was the release of Aditya Chopra's directorial debut Dilwale Dulhania Le Jaayenge, fondly called DDLJ. A movie that changed the way audiences percieved romance on celluloid, that changed the idea of falling in love and injecting it with the badly needed realism and subtlety, that made us believe in the 4 letter word called LOVE.
This blog is my tribute to a movie that remains my all time favorite. Its been close to 15 years since that fateful day in 1995 when DDLJ opened across the country to a thunderous response but its impact is still felt in Hindi cinema. Such was the brilliance of this simple love story that every film maker worth his salt attempted to create his/her own version but failed. To quote a few, Jab Pyaar kisi se hota hai, Kuchh Kuchh hota hai and a lot more. But everything paled in comparison to this towering cinematic achievement.
The 90's were a time of change sweeping across India. The new progressive economy saw the birth of a new Indian Middle Class that was more accepting towards western ideas but were rooted in Indian values. 1995 was the year when the film industry and the entire country awaited with bated breath , the release of YashRaj's DDLJ starring the superstar SRK(riding the wave of DARR, BAAZIGAR ) and Kajol(the upcoming superstar with an illustrious lineage!!). It was a time of 'huge' 1000 seater single screen theaters and black tickets worth 100 bucks. Imagine the change, when a legit ticket nowadays costs almost 3 times the black rates then!!!
The first promo with the tagline "Come, Fall in Love" set the ball rolling with a tuxedo clad SRK wooing Kajol in a black gown in Swiss country side. The first teaser was nothing but a 15 second peak into the film. The subsequent ones introduced the songs one by one which were to become anthems in the times to come. I have always felt Jatin-Lalit could never outdo what they achieved in this album as this was their most complete work. From the Romantic ' Tujhe dekha toh yeh jaana sanam' to the folksy 'Ghar aaja pardesi", to the naughty " Zara saa jhoom lun main" to the amazingly heartfelt " Naa jaane mere dil ko kya". Each and every song was just correct in composition , melody , orchestration. The never-seen-before pre-release hysteria had a lot to do with the songs catching the imagination of the nation.
The first promo with the tagline "Come, Fall in Love" set the ball rolling with a tuxedo clad SRK wooing Kajol in a black gown in Swiss country side. The first teaser was nothing but a 15 second peak into the film. The subsequent ones introduced the songs one by one which were to become anthems in the times to come. I have always felt Jatin-Lalit could never outdo what they achieved in this album as this was their most complete work. From the Romantic ' Tujhe dekha toh yeh jaana sanam' to the folksy 'Ghar aaja pardesi", to the naughty " Zara saa jhoom lun main" to the amazingly heartfelt " Naa jaane mere dil ko kya". Each and every song was just correct in composition , melody , orchestration. The never-seen-before pre-release hysteria had a lot to do with the songs catching the imagination of the nation.
20th October 1995: The day started with me , mom and dad doing our pooja and then calling my aunt with her family to confirm the plan of reaching Satyam Cinema , Patel Nagar , Delhi. It seemed a normal day to begin with, i mean u do ur daily chores and catch a movie with family for an outing. As soon as i reached the theater I saw something that blew my mind. I saw a loooooooooooooong line at the ticket counter and people all over the theater compound. I saw policemen too who had been deployed to deal with any eventuality. My curiosity grew to check out why so many people were going bonkers about getting into the theater. I was in a way glad that mom and dad had booked tickets in advance as we avoided the crowd and went inside to find another bunch of people inside. The buzz was electric and I got goosebumps as soon as the doors to the auditorium were opened. We had got balcony seats where the seemingly 'elite' part of the crowd sits. As the lights were dimmed and the Yashraj logo appeared , a huge roar greeted the start of the film and as soon as the 'now-famous' DDLJ tune played on the mandolin, the crowd went into a collective tizzy and I felt as if I would faint because I had never witnessed so much energy. The movie started with Amrish Puri at TRAFALGAR SQUARE and his voice-over " Yeh London hai.......". That was the start of a celluloid dream that I live to this day. I had never believed in magic till that moment. 3 hours later I had converted. The movie ended and I came out with the biggest smile I may have ever had on my face and saw the swarm of people waiting to get in for the next show. I just smiled at them and imagined what they were going to feel for the next 3 hours of their lives. I had felt elation, happiness, ecstacy, sadness, tummy-ache due to laughter and an adrenalin rush second to none.
Now when I look back at it , I realize that DDLJ is a film of moments. It is filled with the most amazing cinematic moments that one can imagine and they have stayed with me like no other film. Some of those moments are -
--The introduction of Kajol when Farida Jalal calls for Simran and wind blows her hair and she takes the hair off her face. Kajol had never looked as pretty and the country had found their new poster girl who could act for a change!!!
--The following introduction of SRK as Raj in all his sporting glory. The roar that SRK recieved on his entry was deafening to say the least, one of the many examples of the kind of connect , this most under-rated actor has with his audience.
--Anupam Kher's hilarious sermon to his son Raj about how 'not studying' is a proud part of their family's legacy!!! :D
--The scene where SRK lies to Amrish Puri about migrain to get BEER for his friends. The scene was priceless for the sheer timing of SRK and Amrish Puri. It established the characters of both wonderfully.
--The apocalyptic scenes that were to become the benchmarks for all hindi romantic films when SRK crosses Kajol without noticing and when he gives her a hand to get her on to the train.
--The scenes between SRK and Kajol that showcased their 'chemistry' be it arguing with each other, going to a church together or just chatting with each other. The comfort level was so palpable that half the country's trees must have been felled to write about their percieved romance and how it was irritating a certain Ajay Devgan like crazy... :)
--The scene where they both separate at the train station , where they both realize that they love each other and Lata Mangeshkar's rendition of 'Na jaane mere dil ko kya ho gaya'.
--The scene in the mustard fields when Simran finally acknowledges her love for Raj and goes running towards him to give hindi cinema its most enduring image of celluloid romance.
--The comic scenes when Anupam Kher turns up to surprise SRK and his exchanges with the family members and .......
--The scene when Amrish Puri stats singing 'Ae meri Zohrajabeen' out of the blue which brought smiles to the faces of each and every audience member.
--The moment of the decade that I am sure all of us at one point of other have played out with our friends, lovers, family members, siblings ... all of them....
The moment when Amrish Puri tells Kajol," Jaa beta, Jee le apni zindagi". And Kajol's climactic run towards SRK on a running train.......
Love stories were never going to be the same again...............
Within 3 hours Raj and Simran had become the icons of a young generation that was trying to break free and live life the way it is meant to be lived.
DDLJ basically underlines the MAGIC of Cinema and its immense power to dispel your collective sorrow and make you a part of the beautiful dream being playe out on screen.
DDLJ over the years has been played umpteen number of times on the television and people identify it by some of its ,moments now but its charm hasnt faded one bit. For a film-buff like me DDLJ works like ASPIRIN -- that guarantees fast, effective relief from the daily humdrum of life.
All through this post I have gushed , gushed and only gushed about DDLJ but there is one thing I as a true DDLJ fanatic am yet to accomplish. But as luck would have it ... that day is not far.. Dont get it?... see below--
YES.............. watching it at MARATHA MANDIR where it has been playing for 15 years continuously !!!!! :)
I did fall in love then ... I guess :)
--The scene where they both separate at the train station , where they both realize that they love each other and Lata Mangeshkar's rendition of 'Na jaane mere dil ko kya ho gaya'.
--The scene in the mustard fields when Simran finally acknowledges her love for Raj and goes running towards him to give hindi cinema its most enduring image of celluloid romance.
--The comic scenes when Anupam Kher turns up to surprise SRK and his exchanges with the family members and .......
--The scene when Amrish Puri stats singing 'Ae meri Zohrajabeen' out of the blue which brought smiles to the faces of each and every audience member.
--The moment of the decade that I am sure all of us at one point of other have played out with our friends, lovers, family members, siblings ... all of them....
The moment when Amrish Puri tells Kajol," Jaa beta, Jee le apni zindagi". And Kajol's climactic run towards SRK on a running train.......
Love stories were never going to be the same again...............
Within 3 hours Raj and Simran had become the icons of a young generation that was trying to break free and live life the way it is meant to be lived.
DDLJ basically underlines the MAGIC of Cinema and its immense power to dispel your collective sorrow and make you a part of the beautiful dream being playe out on screen.
DDLJ over the years has been played umpteen number of times on the television and people identify it by some of its ,moments now but its charm hasnt faded one bit. For a film-buff like me DDLJ works like ASPIRIN -- that guarantees fast, effective relief from the daily humdrum of life.
All through this post I have gushed , gushed and only gushed about DDLJ but there is one thing I as a true DDLJ fanatic am yet to accomplish. But as luck would have it ... that day is not far.. Dont get it?... see below--
YES.............. watching it at MARATHA MANDIR where it has been playing for 15 years continuously !!!!! :)
I did fall in love then ... I guess :)
Thursday, October 7, 2010
J and me ....
During the course of your life , you come across a lot of people. Some stay with you, become ur friends, some remain acquaintances, some are just faces among a crowd and then some who stay... some who affect you like no one else. Some people who have the power to tell you what they really think. Some people who are just meant to be... their purpose in your life is not defined but its damn too important to let go.
For me that person is Juhi --- My sister, my chhotu badu sis. Any guesses if she is my real sister ?? I will tell you this in just one word. YES SHE IS... She is my real sister... she is my confidante... my backbone... my support system.... my harshest critic...... my protective elder sister..... someone I never had....
To clear one more thing... we are not related by blood. But who gives a damn!! In a day and age when blood seems thinner than water and backstabbing is the norm in the closest of relationships... Juhi and me remain inseparable. We may hate each other.... tear each other's hair for something as simple as a camera.... argue over rights and wrongs .... but something keeps us together... and the best part is ... we dont bother about that because that really is not important.
Going back to my first memory of her, it has to be at Max Mueller Bhavan, Delhi where I had enrolled for German language classes. On the first or second day I noticed this little short girl who seemed as if she would be ready to blast you if you say 'hello' to her,( i have told her this umpteen number of times but she doesnt agree!! ) :). I dont remember when we struck a conversation but I will share an incident which was played as a practical joke by her but was out first point of bonding --
There was a test scheduled on a Sunday and I was petrified about it. I was absolutely sure that I would flunk it so there was some sort of fearlessness that I had (just a macho way of saying," I dont know shit , am anyway screwed, so why bother!! ). Like fate would have it , Aishwarya Rai's BRIDE AND PREJUDICE had just released and I was dying to watch it for obvious reasons. Truth is , had I told mom about the test she wudnt have allowed me in seven lives to go for it -- (this is no reflection on the merits of the movie coz i just was in love with ash so good,bad, terrible, who gave a damn!!) . So I lied and went ahead with the movie. 3 hours later , after soaking in Ash's radiance I came back home with a smile on my face when I saw mum all charged up. Now this was the last thing I hoped to see after an evening date with Ash(okay am stretching it but what the hell!!). THWACK!!! next thing I know mom slaps me and asks me if I had a test tomorrow. There are certain moments in life when you hope that you are passing under a railway bridge and the train passing above it changes its routes and comes towards you!!!
A full 2 hour session of Q and A and a silly glum expression on my face followed. All the while I was thinking how on Earth did mum get to know!!! Who was the culprit here ??
Then horror of horrors , mum took a name and she said ," There is this girl who said that you were worried about passing the test tomorrow. Whats her name? ummmm... Juhi? "
Aaaaaahhh , got the name!!! Juhi you are gone!!!!
Next day I went straight into the classroom and see her chatting with a friend of hers and I start my Oscar winning performance," You, yes you!!! tune call kiya maa ko!!!! teri wajah se meri pitaai hui ghar pe!! pata hai kya kya sunaaya gaya mujhe!!! mujhe apne aap pe sharam aa gayi kal!!!! bata kya bura kiya maine tera!!! why???? why juhi why??? "
Imagine her reply on this... no just imagine ... she just gave a beat and then 1....2.....3... " HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA HEHEHEHEHEHEEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEH OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOH.... MY tummmy!!!! "
I was standing there all anger and everything and she laughed like no tomorrow!!!!
Surprisingly , this little incident created an ease and we soon became friends. From then on, it was bhasad full on. In that class some more gems followed, I went down on my knees with a rose in my hand and offered it to our teacher aftr she had taken out her anger on us for a mass fail test!!
During this very time.... Juhi went through a phase that was tough, terrible and which we both wish no one has to pass through. Our friendship had slowly begun going beyond the convention and soon I realized I had found a sister in her. I will tell you how. When I was checking out the chicks in class madam would keep telling me ," yeh achhi nhn hai, woh achhi nhn hai!!! tere type ki nhn hai" . very typical elder sister behavior.
Over the period of time I have known her , there are facets that I have discovered about her and myself which I never knew existed. There are times when she calls and we both know there is a problem but what follows is silence... long drawn silence. There have been wailing sessions where both of us have cried on phone togetherr and then ended up laughing like crazy.. What helps is that we have almost a smiliar sense of humour which borders on witty to downright silly and at times maha scandalous!! hehehehe And one more thing is that we believe in laughing without any pretentions. heheh it simply means if we feel like laughing we go the full HAHAHAHAHAHA way instead of hehehe ahem ahem heheheh ahem ahem!!!! Only we know how we have annoyed the hell out of the Coffee outlets of the city. :D
On a more serious note... Juhi is that DOT of my life which has played a big .. biiiig part in helping me stay sane and believing that everything has reason behind it.. It does get tough at times what with both having an element of cynicism in thinking... but we do end up agreeing that life aint that bad after all...
We dont need to stay together to know that we are there for each other... we just are there and thats what matters the most... example... my screwed up office life and her screwed up love life was discussed over a period of 5 months when I was in Chennai and she was in Delhi!!! Forget fone bills , the conversations were priceless for their sheer irreverence..
hehehehe... she brings a smile to my face and on a parting note I would just say this...
Juhi u rock jee!!! I wont say thanks for being there coz I feel u r too special for a simple THANKS. Meri chhotu sa sis... dont worry so much... good things are coming ur way so brace urself for all of that..
hehehehe NAACH NAACH ke duniya hilaa le!!! hehehehe sorry for that but cudnt help it!!!
Love u sis... really do!!!
cheers...
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Little moments of immense joy...
Recently there was an ad campaign taken out by Coke which mentioned 'Little Drops of Joy'. Now I am no judge of what is meant here but if I had to draw something out of it it may be of enjoyinh those little moments that actually mean a lot more than a lot of potentially BIG moments. Everyone who has been through ups and downs or has seen both the bright and dark sides of life would have have experienced those little moments when time seems to have stopped and when adrenalin courses through the veins. All of us want to dream big and achieve bigger and at times the dream itself weighs so much on itself that we miss enjoying the journey in the search for the end-goal. In most cases the realization of falling in love with the journey dawns upon us once its over which kind of takes the fun out of achieving what we set out to.
Talking of this journey , there is another school of thought which talks about 'joining the dots'. In simple words it refers to the structure of life being a series of significant moments that defined the direction one takes and joining them while restrospecting on the journey undertaken. But isnt this an insult to the relatively lesser significant 'dots' that constitute the pathway between two bigger dots. Isnt the journey bigger than the goals to be achieved. Confusing aint it? This is a question everyone faces but does not find the time to answer as we are so busy in working towards that one thing we seem to want most in life that we brush aside the other things in its quest.
On a very personal level, I have never really jumped up in joy when something seemingly important has happened in life. Its a strange thing I have faced all my life. I will make it clearer. Imagine you recieve a letter consisting of some good news. It could be anything. Now imagine everyone around you is jumping up and down and pulling you to dance with them. But you are strangely not feeling any euphoria. You are just standing silently wondering what the fuss is all about.
Now reverse the situation. Something has happened and you feel like clenching your fist and yelling out the victorious cry of YESSSSSSSSSS. You run around in euphoria and imagine the world to be as affected by this thing as you are but there is this strange sense of coldness emanating from everyone. And you feel like an idiot that you are giving it so much importance when no one gives a damn really.
Strange dichotomy but am sure everyone has gone through it. Talking of dots in life I have had my share of big moments when people around me were thrilled to bits but i dint seem to care and came across as arrogant and as someone who did not respect what he had got. Tell me one thing , how can lack of euphoria be a mark of disrespect? Is jumping up and down and running around and calling a 100 people, the way to show respect and value you have for the thing bestowed on you. Arent we dealing with perception here when people who know you feel they have the right to judge you and expect you to behave in a certain way and if you dont you seem to be not so allright.
To give you a few examples of dots in my life -- (defined by others as significant!!)
--The day I managed to get a percentage above 80% in the 12th boards, as I was expected to flunk in them. I knew I wudnt but then it was a BIG DEAL. Come on 12th boards , college admissions , the world is my oyster!!! ;)
-- The day I managed to clear a shitty maths olympiad which tested basic algebra. All India man and a certificate to boot. Great colleges , here I come. Am an All India certified competetive student in Maths especially Algebra -- I scored 54/100 by the way but what the hell I cleared it!!! Celebrations!!!
-- Going to the aweful Parent Teacher sessions and travelling the entire school to meet each and every teacher with my embarassed parents. And all i got for the exercise(??) " Abhimanyu seems a smart chap but is very talkative. He needs to pull up his socks" . and the subsequent address by mum n dad on how their reputation is riding on me and how they are answerable to 4 people in the society!! for some inexplicable reason the number stopped at 4!! At that time I used to feel are they answerable to the maid even for me not getting a top rank in the class?? grrrrrrrr
-- Being told by my idiotic Physics prof in the 12th standard Mr.U.S.A.(Before u get any ideas dirt or otherwise, USA means Uttam Singh Arora!!) that I am not fit for the technical field and another round of heartfelt agony vented on me by mum n dad!!
--Getting into an Engineering college ... Yippee!! secure jobs and the world of machines and a lifelong immunity from socio-emotional presssures of answerablity. :)
-- My failure to clear any MBA entrance exam of repute.. future doors closed... damn I am screwed . What did my parents toil all their life for? This hour of shame ... hung head !! :(
-- My first paycheck at Accenture... Oh man the first salary ever... actually I never managed to win any monetary award or any other for that matter so getting some cash under my belt was an ego-boost like no other!!! Yes am earning now!! :)
-- Getting a percentile of 96+ in CAT 2008!! Man oh man , one full year of slogging for quant , DI and verbal and finally getting lucky that the guy who set the paper kind of had an idea that I would depend on Verbal to save my ass!!! God exists!!! and yes he did give me a bitch of a boss to contend with and he gave me my moment of the year when I submitted my papers before her and she approved my resignation!! Goodbye stupid job and goodbye evil boss!!! IMT here I come!!! :)
Now for the dots that I hold dear to me --- defined by me , experienced by me and posted by me too!! :)
-- My first crush on a girl in the 11th standard and my subsequest attempt to get to meet her which I was successfull in, only to realise that , that was the last time I will ever meet her. Fear of rejection, oh man ask me how that works. Mind chokes , sweat appears , blabber happens, bills are paid by you only and what you get is a ' Did you say something?' Damn .. Love hurts!!! :(
-- The first time I ever got into a fight with someone in school. Looking back at it am surprised what could have pushed me to hit that guy so hard... oh violent streak!! ahem ... interesting!! :)
-- My first ever date with a girl I was head over heals in love with from school time itself. The date was fixed by me on the pretext of sharing the 'school farewell' pics with her and did she look gorgeous!! White top, blue jeans , unbound hair and a pair of specs.. She looked like I had imagined her in my dreams.. Its been close to 10 years now since that day but it is still as fresh. As usual Love hurt a second time!!! :(
-- The day I lost my friend. If ever there was a moment when I felt like running away from everything, it was giving him a shoulder. At that very moment I was reminded of a joke we used to laugh on 'of turning into ghosts and possesing each other's bodies and having fun at the other's expense'. I am still searching for him and he hasnt shown up yet ....
--My first ever interview for Infosys where I was asked If i could recite a TAAL since I had mentioned that I knew to play the Tabla and i made up something then and there and had him laughing since he could not make head or tail of what I had just recited.. Learnt a lesson that day.. Conviction works like nothing else and if you can follow that up with intelligent sounding shit .. you are on the ball!!! :)
-- Getting two timed by a girl and being told this in no uncertain terms and getting all heart broken and behaving like Devdas for two days. Man gimme a Gaali and shoo me off I would take that but please no two timing and all.. The sudden loss of importance hurts like hell!! hehehe vain me!!! :)
-- Falling in love and then going though the whole nine yards of friendship, love, romance, not to mention dates and then heartbreak and eventual separation.. Important as it made me understand myself better but sincerely wish that she is happy and has no bad memories from it. :)
-- Meeting someone just once and then building a friendship for life. Something needs to be super-special for a connect like this to form. I am lucky to have it and have tried not to decipher how this thing works. Its easier this way coz it involves no effort. Its the level of ease that I experience and I hope so does she. :)
-- In a very small part, being part of the cricket team at accenture and living the dream of raising my bat to the stands. hehehe I went in at number 11 and had a match winning partnership of 30 runs scoring 12 runs with one boundary!! Imagine what I did when i smashed an arrogant bowler to the stand --- I raised my bat as if I had scored a century.. man that was thrilling!!! :)
--
These and a lot more form the dots that make my life. On reading this if you are treminded of some such incidents when you actually felt ecstatic or sad but they hold significance, try holding on to them. These are the moments that have shaped the real you. Seriously!!
I will tell you what, this blog itself is a little joy in itself as I feel like a little child being given the freedom to express!!!
Damn this is fun!!!!! :)
Talking of this journey , there is another school of thought which talks about 'joining the dots'. In simple words it refers to the structure of life being a series of significant moments that defined the direction one takes and joining them while restrospecting on the journey undertaken. But isnt this an insult to the relatively lesser significant 'dots' that constitute the pathway between two bigger dots. Isnt the journey bigger than the goals to be achieved. Confusing aint it? This is a question everyone faces but does not find the time to answer as we are so busy in working towards that one thing we seem to want most in life that we brush aside the other things in its quest.
On a very personal level, I have never really jumped up in joy when something seemingly important has happened in life. Its a strange thing I have faced all my life. I will make it clearer. Imagine you recieve a letter consisting of some good news. It could be anything. Now imagine everyone around you is jumping up and down and pulling you to dance with them. But you are strangely not feeling any euphoria. You are just standing silently wondering what the fuss is all about.
Now reverse the situation. Something has happened and you feel like clenching your fist and yelling out the victorious cry of YESSSSSSSSSS. You run around in euphoria and imagine the world to be as affected by this thing as you are but there is this strange sense of coldness emanating from everyone. And you feel like an idiot that you are giving it so much importance when no one gives a damn really.
Strange dichotomy but am sure everyone has gone through it. Talking of dots in life I have had my share of big moments when people around me were thrilled to bits but i dint seem to care and came across as arrogant and as someone who did not respect what he had got. Tell me one thing , how can lack of euphoria be a mark of disrespect? Is jumping up and down and running around and calling a 100 people, the way to show respect and value you have for the thing bestowed on you. Arent we dealing with perception here when people who know you feel they have the right to judge you and expect you to behave in a certain way and if you dont you seem to be not so allright.
To give you a few examples of dots in my life -- (defined by others as significant!!)
--The day I managed to get a percentage above 80% in the 12th boards, as I was expected to flunk in them. I knew I wudnt but then it was a BIG DEAL. Come on 12th boards , college admissions , the world is my oyster!!! ;)
-- The day I managed to clear a shitty maths olympiad which tested basic algebra. All India man and a certificate to boot. Great colleges , here I come. Am an All India certified competetive student in Maths especially Algebra -- I scored 54/100 by the way but what the hell I cleared it!!! Celebrations!!!
-- Going to the aweful Parent Teacher sessions and travelling the entire school to meet each and every teacher with my embarassed parents. And all i got for the exercise(??) " Abhimanyu seems a smart chap but is very talkative. He needs to pull up his socks" . and the subsequent address by mum n dad on how their reputation is riding on me and how they are answerable to 4 people in the society!! for some inexplicable reason the number stopped at 4!! At that time I used to feel are they answerable to the maid even for me not getting a top rank in the class?? grrrrrrrr
-- Being told by my idiotic Physics prof in the 12th standard Mr.U.S.A.(Before u get any ideas dirt or otherwise, USA means Uttam Singh Arora!!) that I am not fit for the technical field and another round of heartfelt agony vented on me by mum n dad!!
--Getting into an Engineering college ... Yippee!! secure jobs and the world of machines and a lifelong immunity from socio-emotional presssures of answerablity. :)
-- My failure to clear any MBA entrance exam of repute.. future doors closed... damn I am screwed . What did my parents toil all their life for? This hour of shame ... hung head !! :(
-- My first paycheck at Accenture... Oh man the first salary ever... actually I never managed to win any monetary award or any other for that matter so getting some cash under my belt was an ego-boost like no other!!! Yes am earning now!! :)
-- Getting a percentile of 96+ in CAT 2008!! Man oh man , one full year of slogging for quant , DI and verbal and finally getting lucky that the guy who set the paper kind of had an idea that I would depend on Verbal to save my ass!!! God exists!!! and yes he did give me a bitch of a boss to contend with and he gave me my moment of the year when I submitted my papers before her and she approved my resignation!! Goodbye stupid job and goodbye evil boss!!! IMT here I come!!! :)
Now for the dots that I hold dear to me --- defined by me , experienced by me and posted by me too!! :)
-- My first crush on a girl in the 11th standard and my subsequest attempt to get to meet her which I was successfull in, only to realise that , that was the last time I will ever meet her. Fear of rejection, oh man ask me how that works. Mind chokes , sweat appears , blabber happens, bills are paid by you only and what you get is a ' Did you say something?' Damn .. Love hurts!!! :(
-- The first time I ever got into a fight with someone in school. Looking back at it am surprised what could have pushed me to hit that guy so hard... oh violent streak!! ahem ... interesting!! :)
-- My first ever date with a girl I was head over heals in love with from school time itself. The date was fixed by me on the pretext of sharing the 'school farewell' pics with her and did she look gorgeous!! White top, blue jeans , unbound hair and a pair of specs.. She looked like I had imagined her in my dreams.. Its been close to 10 years now since that day but it is still as fresh. As usual Love hurt a second time!!! :(
-- The day I lost my friend. If ever there was a moment when I felt like running away from everything, it was giving him a shoulder. At that very moment I was reminded of a joke we used to laugh on 'of turning into ghosts and possesing each other's bodies and having fun at the other's expense'. I am still searching for him and he hasnt shown up yet ....
--My first ever interview for Infosys where I was asked If i could recite a TAAL since I had mentioned that I knew to play the Tabla and i made up something then and there and had him laughing since he could not make head or tail of what I had just recited.. Learnt a lesson that day.. Conviction works like nothing else and if you can follow that up with intelligent sounding shit .. you are on the ball!!! :)
-- Getting two timed by a girl and being told this in no uncertain terms and getting all heart broken and behaving like Devdas for two days. Man gimme a Gaali and shoo me off I would take that but please no two timing and all.. The sudden loss of importance hurts like hell!! hehehe vain me!!! :)
-- Falling in love and then going though the whole nine yards of friendship, love, romance, not to mention dates and then heartbreak and eventual separation.. Important as it made me understand myself better but sincerely wish that she is happy and has no bad memories from it. :)
-- Meeting someone just once and then building a friendship for life. Something needs to be super-special for a connect like this to form. I am lucky to have it and have tried not to decipher how this thing works. Its easier this way coz it involves no effort. Its the level of ease that I experience and I hope so does she. :)
-- In a very small part, being part of the cricket team at accenture and living the dream of raising my bat to the stands. hehehe I went in at number 11 and had a match winning partnership of 30 runs scoring 12 runs with one boundary!! Imagine what I did when i smashed an arrogant bowler to the stand --- I raised my bat as if I had scored a century.. man that was thrilling!!! :)
--
These and a lot more form the dots that make my life. On reading this if you are treminded of some such incidents when you actually felt ecstatic or sad but they hold significance, try holding on to them. These are the moments that have shaped the real you. Seriously!!
I will tell you what, this blog itself is a little joy in itself as I feel like a little child being given the freedom to express!!!
Damn this is fun!!!!! :)
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Shaadi ... aaah/ ummmm///noo../maybe yess... why do u ask me mann!!/ and more!!!
From the world of psychopaths to the institution of marriage, the shift is too radical. But truth be told I like this sudden 'Reversal of Tone'. So ,marriage eh? I would suggest a little exercise here. Take the word MARRIAGE.Close ur eyes for 15 seconds. ....................... Done??? Now recall what came to ur mind in those 15 seconds.
Red roses?? A procession with the an over-decorated horse and over-fed relatives? A pandaal with the holy pyre in the middle. Star-lit sky?? Teary-eyed parents {Girls only here, the guy's parents are not losing anything are they ??} :)
If any of these above images came to u and even if nothing that I mentioned matched what u saw, just consider this that what u saw was as spontaneous as u cud be and was created by ur subconsious definition of marriage. Having said that, isnt it true as well, that this definition is at odds with the practical realities we associate with marriages. The greatest and most lovable aspect of all marriages especially Indian ones, is the sure-fire presence of some bottleneck or trouble that puts the entire plan into jeopardy. The general reaction --" WE ARE LIKE THIS ONLY".
But again on the point of marriage what really is a good definiton for marriage? Two people getting bound legally to live together ? Two people from different backgrounds deciding to give an official society-approved name to their relationship? Culmination of that thing called LOVE ? Two sets of families that decide to join hands via their children ?
Even I realise that bullshitting has been taken to a whole new level by these definitions but in modern times marriages have more to them than two people deciding to live together. How many times have we had people (married and supposedly happy!!) coming up to us and saying that marriage has taken the fun out of their relationship. People discovering umpteen number of new traits in their partners and realising that they actually hate that part. An alarming rise in the intensity of fights between couples. In certain cases partners resorting to infidelity even, as a last minute resort to spice up their dull, dreary ,married existence ....
People invest so much into a relationship and twice of that in marriage so why is it that, there seems no straightforward path to happiness. Happiness here primarily means being comfortable and living life without baggage everyday. Or in other less complex terms , leaving home with a smile , coming home all grumpy and then getting the smile back on spending time with one's partner. Simple requirements really , I mean how much does a smile really take? Realistically, a lot of work.. No kidding here!!
One of the most common approaches during the coutship period is of being at one's best behavior and projecting one's best self. Once the relationship is established, and the pressure of performance is taken out people begin to open up relatively. This is the critical time when true emotion is put to test. If two people believe strongly enough in a relationship to see this time through and decide on coming out of it together, chances are the marriage may last coz the number of unpleasant surprises to be see are considerably reduced.
Ego is another big challenge to overcome apart from cultural differences. Everyone knows what happens when an irresistible force meets an immovable object. One way of minimising damage is to talk and if need be TALK A LOT!! Just to get the negativity out of the system and hope to start afresh.
The next step is to convince the respective familes. This is the most tricky and challenging part, given the paradox of a society we live in where empowering kids is confused with deciding their paths in life which is decidedly good for them. Dubious but prevalent. This is critical specially in a country like India where parental approval basically stamps the sanctity of a relationship. The way towards achieveing it is subjective as one may have to overcome excessive emotional blackmail, arguments, heart-ache and the works. Taken as a burden or part of a package deal with Indian Love marriages , both the girl and the boy need to shoulder it equally because there's a good chance of the parents firing the final salvo of saying," Fine, go ahead but if tomorrow something is amiss, u are solely responsible, not me". Easy to ignore but effective enough to play on the mind.
Once married, begins the real process of adjustement which in popular parlance means NIBHAAOFYING.
This could be attending to unwanted but respected relatives from either side on a relaxed Sunday afternoon or trying to spare time for the partner out of a crushing schedule. The toughest of the lot, trying not to read too much into whats said in frustration as normally its not meant literally. It is testing and it gets on one's nerves. Get through this and u may scrape through.
Big words but I have an example at home of a Haryanvi Brahmin based out of Faridabad marrying a Tamil Brahmin lady with nothing in common, not even language. Based purely on emotion, their's is a love story to cherish but with its own share of challenges. Like any other couple these two have had to really really work hard to make their marriage work , what with both being pulled towards different directions by various factors.
Above all, a successfull marriage needs if nothing else , a genuine emotion of love (even extreme fondness or affection!!).
Enough sermonising, if nothing works just surrender the remote , and see magic unfold before ur eyes.. :D
Oh did i mention types of marriages? Love, arranged, love cum arranged!!! Frankly all of these require everything mentioned above, in varied degrees but the Remote trick works for all of them. Dont believe me?
Ask people who are married!!! :)
Red roses?? A procession with the an over-decorated horse and over-fed relatives? A pandaal with the holy pyre in the middle. Star-lit sky?? Teary-eyed parents {Girls only here, the guy's parents are not losing anything are they ??} :)
If any of these above images came to u and even if nothing that I mentioned matched what u saw, just consider this that what u saw was as spontaneous as u cud be and was created by ur subconsious definition of marriage. Having said that, isnt it true as well, that this definition is at odds with the practical realities we associate with marriages. The greatest and most lovable aspect of all marriages especially Indian ones, is the sure-fire presence of some bottleneck or trouble that puts the entire plan into jeopardy. The general reaction --" WE ARE LIKE THIS ONLY".
But again on the point of marriage what really is a good definiton for marriage? Two people getting bound legally to live together ? Two people from different backgrounds deciding to give an official society-approved name to their relationship? Culmination of that thing called LOVE ? Two sets of families that decide to join hands via their children ?
Even I realise that bullshitting has been taken to a whole new level by these definitions but in modern times marriages have more to them than two people deciding to live together. How many times have we had people (married and supposedly happy!!) coming up to us and saying that marriage has taken the fun out of their relationship. People discovering umpteen number of new traits in their partners and realising that they actually hate that part. An alarming rise in the intensity of fights between couples. In certain cases partners resorting to infidelity even, as a last minute resort to spice up their dull, dreary ,married existence ....
People invest so much into a relationship and twice of that in marriage so why is it that, there seems no straightforward path to happiness. Happiness here primarily means being comfortable and living life without baggage everyday. Or in other less complex terms , leaving home with a smile , coming home all grumpy and then getting the smile back on spending time with one's partner. Simple requirements really , I mean how much does a smile really take? Realistically, a lot of work.. No kidding here!!
One of the most common approaches during the coutship period is of being at one's best behavior and projecting one's best self. Once the relationship is established, and the pressure of performance is taken out people begin to open up relatively. This is the critical time when true emotion is put to test. If two people believe strongly enough in a relationship to see this time through and decide on coming out of it together, chances are the marriage may last coz the number of unpleasant surprises to be see are considerably reduced.
Ego is another big challenge to overcome apart from cultural differences. Everyone knows what happens when an irresistible force meets an immovable object. One way of minimising damage is to talk and if need be TALK A LOT!! Just to get the negativity out of the system and hope to start afresh.
The next step is to convince the respective familes. This is the most tricky and challenging part, given the paradox of a society we live in where empowering kids is confused with deciding their paths in life which is decidedly good for them. Dubious but prevalent. This is critical specially in a country like India where parental approval basically stamps the sanctity of a relationship. The way towards achieveing it is subjective as one may have to overcome excessive emotional blackmail, arguments, heart-ache and the works. Taken as a burden or part of a package deal with Indian Love marriages , both the girl and the boy need to shoulder it equally because there's a good chance of the parents firing the final salvo of saying," Fine, go ahead but if tomorrow something is amiss, u are solely responsible, not me". Easy to ignore but effective enough to play on the mind.
Once married, begins the real process of adjustement which in popular parlance means NIBHAAOFYING.
This could be attending to unwanted but respected relatives from either side on a relaxed Sunday afternoon or trying to spare time for the partner out of a crushing schedule. The toughest of the lot, trying not to read too much into whats said in frustration as normally its not meant literally. It is testing and it gets on one's nerves. Get through this and u may scrape through.
Big words but I have an example at home of a Haryanvi Brahmin based out of Faridabad marrying a Tamil Brahmin lady with nothing in common, not even language. Based purely on emotion, their's is a love story to cherish but with its own share of challenges. Like any other couple these two have had to really really work hard to make their marriage work , what with both being pulled towards different directions by various factors.
Above all, a successfull marriage needs if nothing else , a genuine emotion of love (even extreme fondness or affection!!).
Enough sermonising, if nothing works just surrender the remote , and see magic unfold before ur eyes.. :D
Oh did i mention types of marriages? Love, arranged, love cum arranged!!! Frankly all of these require everything mentioned above, in varied degrees but the Remote trick works for all of them. Dont believe me?
Ask people who are married!!! :)
Thursday, September 23, 2010
The psychosis behind a psychopath ......
Shifting gears from softer topics, lets consider for a moment, those people who are a part of society but arent really part of civil society. Havent we come across people in newpaper articles, in movies and other media , who are driven by some psychotic reasons to cause harm ? Cases ,where the problem investigative agencies face, is of establishing a motive behind the convict's actions. More often than not, the defendants plead psychological disorders to undergo treatment at an asylum and thts where the proceedings stop.
If you really scratch the surface you would realise that all this while , when a motive was being established or created depending on which side u r , the convicts have stayed silent and displayed a nonchalance that is amusing and scary at the same time. There is this amazing line that I read somewhere which went like," There are some men who cant be reasoned with. They dont treat murder as a crime. They are amused by it and the victim is their toy."
Personally I am yet to see or meet someone like this in person but I find it superbly interesting to read about these cases. But the catch is that what u read is what a third party percieves the case as , so u can never really reach the ABSOLUTE TRUTH if there is any. In normal cases anyway, our opinions are influenced by what we read and see. But have u ever tried going into the brain of a psychopath and see what really goes on in there that provides the drive for so much havoc he creates. One of the most horrific accounts that I have read is of a person who had a chance encounter with a serial-killer and he was pinned down and about to be axed when he saw the attacker's face. He could clearly recall that the face was as innocent as a little child's and had a constant smile on it. For some inexplicable reason, the attacker spared this guy but scarred him for life.He recounts the horror he faces everyday of his existence when he closes his eyes and sees those crystal clear eyes gleaming down on him.
The thing to notice about the horror here is not of the deed itself but the intent behind it which takes the fear to another level. In other words if there is a reason behind such an act atleast the mind can see reason and react accordingly but if someone is just playing and enjoying the process of killing so much, the fear is enough to make anyone go numb.
If one starts to get down to a reason behind the mind of man turning so violent, there could be any number of reasons. Most notably, repression, lifelong restrictions, childhood abuse or even something as innocuous as a snatched toy. The seed of extreme resentment is sown when one is faced with restriction or separation from something one loves or even a backstab from a loved one. For a fickle mind , its very easy to blame society for it and ask for revenge from everyone. There is no reason behind it but all the negative energy that gets stored in the brain such as anger and physicality takes a coldly brutal form in certain cases and creates what one calls a cold blooded, mass-murdering psychopath.
Moving to the other side and viewing it from civil society's perspective , its common sense to go by convention and tag a psychopath as anti-social and a criminal. And on the question of empathy , psychopaths deserve zero marks , again as per societal norms. Keeping this aside, isnt it a fact that these people are the creation of this very society that now chooses to disown them. Arent these psychopaths honest about their intent unlike us -- the members of society , who say something, mean something else and do something totally different. If u judge by character who wud u deem better, a chameleon or a tiger. Yes i may get raised eyebrows and a few chuckles for comparing a psychopath to a tiger but the point is of a single-minded honest intent. Still, nothing justifies taking human lives and all respect should be accorded to it, but judging people on the basis of a criterion that is itself created by flawed humans is a bit misplaced isnt it ???
So, who really is the psychopath?? The demented murderer who kills in cold blood or the scheming calculating civil person who kills by manipulation.
In am yet to figure out but isnt it a tough choice anyway ??
If you really scratch the surface you would realise that all this while , when a motive was being established or created depending on which side u r , the convicts have stayed silent and displayed a nonchalance that is amusing and scary at the same time. There is this amazing line that I read somewhere which went like," There are some men who cant be reasoned with. They dont treat murder as a crime. They are amused by it and the victim is their toy."
Personally I am yet to see or meet someone like this in person but I find it superbly interesting to read about these cases. But the catch is that what u read is what a third party percieves the case as , so u can never really reach the ABSOLUTE TRUTH if there is any. In normal cases anyway, our opinions are influenced by what we read and see. But have u ever tried going into the brain of a psychopath and see what really goes on in there that provides the drive for so much havoc he creates. One of the most horrific accounts that I have read is of a person who had a chance encounter with a serial-killer and he was pinned down and about to be axed when he saw the attacker's face. He could clearly recall that the face was as innocent as a little child's and had a constant smile on it. For some inexplicable reason, the attacker spared this guy but scarred him for life.He recounts the horror he faces everyday of his existence when he closes his eyes and sees those crystal clear eyes gleaming down on him.
The thing to notice about the horror here is not of the deed itself but the intent behind it which takes the fear to another level. In other words if there is a reason behind such an act atleast the mind can see reason and react accordingly but if someone is just playing and enjoying the process of killing so much, the fear is enough to make anyone go numb.
If one starts to get down to a reason behind the mind of man turning so violent, there could be any number of reasons. Most notably, repression, lifelong restrictions, childhood abuse or even something as innocuous as a snatched toy. The seed of extreme resentment is sown when one is faced with restriction or separation from something one loves or even a backstab from a loved one. For a fickle mind , its very easy to blame society for it and ask for revenge from everyone. There is no reason behind it but all the negative energy that gets stored in the brain such as anger and physicality takes a coldly brutal form in certain cases and creates what one calls a cold blooded, mass-murdering psychopath.
Moving to the other side and viewing it from civil society's perspective , its common sense to go by convention and tag a psychopath as anti-social and a criminal. And on the question of empathy , psychopaths deserve zero marks , again as per societal norms. Keeping this aside, isnt it a fact that these people are the creation of this very society that now chooses to disown them. Arent these psychopaths honest about their intent unlike us -- the members of society , who say something, mean something else and do something totally different. If u judge by character who wud u deem better, a chameleon or a tiger. Yes i may get raised eyebrows and a few chuckles for comparing a psychopath to a tiger but the point is of a single-minded honest intent. Still, nothing justifies taking human lives and all respect should be accorded to it, but judging people on the basis of a criterion that is itself created by flawed humans is a bit misplaced isnt it ???
So, who really is the psychopath?? The demented murderer who kills in cold blood or the scheming calculating civil person who kills by manipulation.
In am yet to figure out but isnt it a tough choice anyway ??
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
The moment of truth .....
All of us define our reality in our own particular way. All our impressions, our reactions, our impulses and our way of thinking are shaped up by those BIG moments of truth we have encountered. To state the truth, all these supposed moments of truth are moments when failures has reigned supreme. It could be failure to achieve what u set out to, failure at love , failure at a professional level etc. Its a design flaw written into the human DNA to measure reality by failure. Its what they call the DARK patches in life.
Recently, I interacted with a guy who had stars in his eyes and dreams for his pocket. In his CV he had mentioned that he has never faced failure in his life. Enough to raise eyebrows and invite a volley of questions and cross-questions on his logic. The point here is , how can one not face failure in life. After all we are humans , we are not perfect, we will surely make mistakes and if we are smart enough, even learn from them.
There is a general tendancy among people of trying to avoid sympathy by hiding their worst fears or failures under the farce of inner strength and self-reliance. But come to think of it can you really stop someone from feeling something for you , be it sympathy or anything else. At best you convey the dire need of support you may have by acting strong. No one is follish enough not to read between the lines and understand what someone is going through. We ,soo underestimate the power of TONE when we speak. Everything isnt contained in the words as all the intelligent readers of this may already know.
Coming to the point of MOMENTS OF TRUTH, Just like anyone else, I have had points in life when I have had to go 20 steps backwards to move 5 forward. For an emotional fool like me , this problem was even more compounded by the percieved negativity about a mishap which was much higher than the actual figure.
The word mishap is used very loosely here so just read on and u r free to disagree as always ::
One of the first setbacks I had in life which I had taken rather too hard on me was flunking in 4 subjects out of 6 in my 12th board exams. For ppl who know me, it is quite obvious that it wudnt have affected me too much personally and I wud have been as nonchalant as always. But considering the stakes here viz,BOARD exams and parental expectations, this was sacrilege. What totally shook me up wasnt the ugly marksheet but my mother's breaking down on seeing it. Today I look back at it as one of those moments when I really really caused my mother to hang her head in shame and yes I have grown up and all but the little boy inside sometimes comes out and tries to turrn those pages backwards to try reverse what happened,screw the marks ,atleast the crying part....
The second major mishap is related to my best friend. As already mentioned, my nonchalance to anything was partly due to my taking it for granted that whatever happens my best friend would be there with me. We connected at a level that was wayy beyond conventional friendships. He was that brother who I had the luck to choose on this planet. He was my backbone,my support system. I used to be fearless to the point of being arrogant. And then god played one of his little games to make me see the fragility of life and dreams. One fine day on a hot summer afternoon I get a call saying he has left us. I was too shocked to even react and too stunned to cry. I very silently went to his place and saw him wrapped in white cloth. I still remember I din cry one tear even when i gave him a shoulder to be taken to the cremation ground. I was silent for 3 hours after that and only in the night after coming home and checking my cellphone for any missed calls did I break down!! I experienced the thing about bad news, no matter how hard you try escaping it , u cant and its better to take it on the chin than shy away from it..
Two major incidents that are as fresh as ever in my mind. Two incidents that have made me or shaped me , whatever u may want to call it. I know 2 is too lesss but the other moments are for some other day and its a promise that I will write about them too.
For the time being , the first moment had an anti-thesis when I got my first job and this time both my parents cried, for obvious reasons of course( being the only son in a filmy family does that u know!! :D) ...
And I am still in touch with my best friend, dont ask how... coz the explanation could send me to an assylum. I will say just this that I talk to him regularly ....
Moments of Truth... aaah Life can be such a mess but thats when the beauty of it comes out !! I know you wont understand what am talking about , but you would someday... :D
Recently, I interacted with a guy who had stars in his eyes and dreams for his pocket. In his CV he had mentioned that he has never faced failure in his life. Enough to raise eyebrows and invite a volley of questions and cross-questions on his logic. The point here is , how can one not face failure in life. After all we are humans , we are not perfect, we will surely make mistakes and if we are smart enough, even learn from them.
There is a general tendancy among people of trying to avoid sympathy by hiding their worst fears or failures under the farce of inner strength and self-reliance. But come to think of it can you really stop someone from feeling something for you , be it sympathy or anything else. At best you convey the dire need of support you may have by acting strong. No one is follish enough not to read between the lines and understand what someone is going through. We ,soo underestimate the power of TONE when we speak. Everything isnt contained in the words as all the intelligent readers of this may already know.
Coming to the point of MOMENTS OF TRUTH, Just like anyone else, I have had points in life when I have had to go 20 steps backwards to move 5 forward. For an emotional fool like me , this problem was even more compounded by the percieved negativity about a mishap which was much higher than the actual figure.
The word mishap is used very loosely here so just read on and u r free to disagree as always ::
One of the first setbacks I had in life which I had taken rather too hard on me was flunking in 4 subjects out of 6 in my 12th board exams. For ppl who know me, it is quite obvious that it wudnt have affected me too much personally and I wud have been as nonchalant as always. But considering the stakes here viz,BOARD exams and parental expectations, this was sacrilege. What totally shook me up wasnt the ugly marksheet but my mother's breaking down on seeing it. Today I look back at it as one of those moments when I really really caused my mother to hang her head in shame and yes I have grown up and all but the little boy inside sometimes comes out and tries to turrn those pages backwards to try reverse what happened,screw the marks ,atleast the crying part....
The second major mishap is related to my best friend. As already mentioned, my nonchalance to anything was partly due to my taking it for granted that whatever happens my best friend would be there with me. We connected at a level that was wayy beyond conventional friendships. He was that brother who I had the luck to choose on this planet. He was my backbone,my support system. I used to be fearless to the point of being arrogant. And then god played one of his little games to make me see the fragility of life and dreams. One fine day on a hot summer afternoon I get a call saying he has left us. I was too shocked to even react and too stunned to cry. I very silently went to his place and saw him wrapped in white cloth. I still remember I din cry one tear even when i gave him a shoulder to be taken to the cremation ground. I was silent for 3 hours after that and only in the night after coming home and checking my cellphone for any missed calls did I break down!! I experienced the thing about bad news, no matter how hard you try escaping it , u cant and its better to take it on the chin than shy away from it..
Two major incidents that are as fresh as ever in my mind. Two incidents that have made me or shaped me , whatever u may want to call it. I know 2 is too lesss but the other moments are for some other day and its a promise that I will write about them too.
For the time being , the first moment had an anti-thesis when I got my first job and this time both my parents cried, for obvious reasons of course( being the only son in a filmy family does that u know!! :D) ...
And I am still in touch with my best friend, dont ask how... coz the explanation could send me to an assylum. I will say just this that I talk to him regularly ....
Moments of Truth... aaah Life can be such a mess but thats when the beauty of it comes out !! I know you wont understand what am talking about , but you would someday... :D
Monday, September 20, 2010
Friendship/Love/Both/Thin Line .... Aaaaarrrghhhhh !!!
I was to start on something else when suddenly a song was piolayed on Laptop from a crappy movie that release last year with music from a maestro and lyrics by a genius. The song tried to convey the love of a man for his woman via the acknowledgement of friendship.
Now, how often have we faced a situation where we counsel our friends or someone we know about the feelings they have for someone or their perception of feelings on the other side. I am quite sure a lot of you would agree that while counselling someone all of us do a little jig inside our head for sounding relatively saint-like and very correct, being completely aware that in real life we have committed the same mistakes that we are warning people about. That little jig though depends on how well u cud play the saint.. :D 9 out of 10 times the person at the recieveing end would be convinced and give you a hug for understanding him/her so well...
Picture this, that very person from the next day onwards starts staying in touch with you more often and hails you for ur non-judgemental nature. Before you know , he/she is sharing their most intimate secrets with you and you being the NICEST(??) person on earth gives a friendly ear to all that. Can anyone tell if that sharing and hailing is just out of admiration or something more deeper. My guess is everyone would get a bit cynical in the garb of being practical and say a big NO. But the question remains, can you really tell.
You could surely claim that, you know that person and have discussed this personally with him/her,no holds barred. But its quite impossible to truly know if that person genuinely said what he did or he did it out of the FEAR OF LOSING A FRIEND.
So how does it develop really? Its the question that has had books written about , films and songs created on and it still continues to intrigue thinkers and die-hard romantics alike. One major problem is that our notion of love and its nature is most often defined by its depiction in films and other media. So when two people get into a relationship and the notion is confronted by a reality check(read: non-expresson , time crunch, lack of romance , too normal!!), people develop feet of clay.
More often than not, when one starts getting closer to someone on an emotional level what sows the seeds of a deeper connect is the most normal sense of comfort one feels when that person is around. In simpler words one is at ease with oneself. And this can happen both ways ,girl or boy. Once the comfort level is established the feeling of not being judged on what one says or does and of being able to be urself cements that feeling. The next possible question that arises is,"Is there something more to it than just friendship? Is he/she more special than what I am taking him/her to be? ".
There is nothing wrong in feeling this way but the point is that this thought crosses one's mind sometime or the other. If one is lucky the feeling is reciprocated on the other side,if not well... being a good friend is the next logical step but it carries a hell of a lot of adjustment with it. If one is strong enough, one can make it through but it does test one's patience.
So the question remains , when can one really tell friendship from love. The jury is out!! Make ur own interpretations. I have tried, suffered, laughed , cried and have made my own definitions about the same and yes those are rounded by aaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh !! :)
Now, how often have we faced a situation where we counsel our friends or someone we know about the feelings they have for someone or their perception of feelings on the other side. I am quite sure a lot of you would agree that while counselling someone all of us do a little jig inside our head for sounding relatively saint-like and very correct, being completely aware that in real life we have committed the same mistakes that we are warning people about. That little jig though depends on how well u cud play the saint.. :D 9 out of 10 times the person at the recieveing end would be convinced and give you a hug for understanding him/her so well...
Picture this, that very person from the next day onwards starts staying in touch with you more often and hails you for ur non-judgemental nature. Before you know , he/she is sharing their most intimate secrets with you and you being the NICEST(??) person on earth gives a friendly ear to all that. Can anyone tell if that sharing and hailing is just out of admiration or something more deeper. My guess is everyone would get a bit cynical in the garb of being practical and say a big NO. But the question remains, can you really tell.
You could surely claim that, you know that person and have discussed this personally with him/her,no holds barred. But its quite impossible to truly know if that person genuinely said what he did or he did it out of the FEAR OF LOSING A FRIEND.
So how does it develop really? Its the question that has had books written about , films and songs created on and it still continues to intrigue thinkers and die-hard romantics alike. One major problem is that our notion of love and its nature is most often defined by its depiction in films and other media. So when two people get into a relationship and the notion is confronted by a reality check(read: non-expresson , time crunch, lack of romance , too normal!!), people develop feet of clay.
More often than not, when one starts getting closer to someone on an emotional level what sows the seeds of a deeper connect is the most normal sense of comfort one feels when that person is around. In simpler words one is at ease with oneself. And this can happen both ways ,girl or boy. Once the comfort level is established the feeling of not being judged on what one says or does and of being able to be urself cements that feeling. The next possible question that arises is,"Is there something more to it than just friendship? Is he/she more special than what I am taking him/her to be? ".
There is nothing wrong in feeling this way but the point is that this thought crosses one's mind sometime or the other. If one is lucky the feeling is reciprocated on the other side,if not well... being a good friend is the next logical step but it carries a hell of a lot of adjustment with it. If one is strong enough, one can make it through but it does test one's patience.
So the question remains , when can one really tell friendship from love. The jury is out!! Make ur own interpretations. I have tried, suffered, laughed , cried and have made my own definitions about the same and yes those are rounded by aaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh !! :)
Sunday, September 19, 2010
The only passion that has lasted me .....
Let me start with a question first up? When does one realise that something means more to us than anything else? or let me rephrase... when does one realise that something in life is worth giving up anything for??
There could be as many answers as the people it has been posed to for the simple reason that passion is not a simply defined term that is same for everyone. It differs from person to person. For me personally, passion can be described in word .... CINEMA
Yes that oft repeated cliche of a word that is very loosely a passion for any person who crosses the streets of this country or has a respectable job or carries out his daily chores. The first desire any one may have had would be of BECOMING A HERO. In a country driven by the madness of cricket and movies, it is very understandable how ordinary men and women rise up to the level of gods and goddesses. It is nothing but a telling statement on the sheer magnetic power of the beautiful medium of cinema that gives a collective vent to the dreams of millions , the anguish of another billion and delivers hope and joy to trillions worldwide.
My first brush with cinema was in 1989 when my mom and dad took their 4 yr old son(urs truly!!) to Shiela theater in north delhi for the evening show of Sooraj Barjatya's Salman Khan and Bhagyashree starrer Maine Pyaar Kiya. Truth be told, i dont remember much of that experience but i do have vague images of my mom getting teary eyed right before the interval. I evidently wasnt in the frame of mind to understand what the fuss was all about but after seeing the movie again (all grown up now!! :D) it does ring a bell.
My second big movie impact was when I was taken to see the Amitabh Bachchan starrer HUM. Now the pre-release hype for the film was enormous ,riding on Bachchan's comeback and the absolutely foot-tapping crowd pleaser of a song --JUMMA CHUMMA. My mom and dad being thr biggest Bachchan fans had already made a big hype abt catching it first day first show. As we sat in the seats and the theater began to reverberate with anticipation I felt a thrill that would change my life forever.... and as soon as Amitabh Bachchan appeared as TIGER in all his roaring glory... all hell broke loose.
The impact was too hard to be taken away... At that very moment my passion had been fixed. What intrigued me was , what power does this art-form possess to send millions collectively into a mad frenzy.
Over the years this interest turned passion turned mad obsession has become so overpowering that the biggest high I get is when film something on camera(digital or otherwise!) , edit it and then show it to the ppl it is intended for!!
One statement that has left a deep impact on my psyche is by the film-maker avant garde Ram Gopal Verma. Known for his clutter-breaking approach towards creating cinema, when he was questioned about the intention behind making BHOOT, he replied," Bhoot has no ghosts for the first 30 minutes , but those are the most scary parts according to the audience. As a director I love the power of manipulating the collective psyche of a 500 strong audience and seeing how they react if i unsettle them using camera and sound only."
On this journey of understanding cinema and trying to create some of my own , I have discovered a few truths about myself as well. To quote an example my father pawned his books to watch Raj Kapoor's Bobby by travelling to Agra all the way from Faridabad and never took his books back.. and my mother stood for hours outside Kamal Hassan's house just to get a glimpse of him while studying in Chennai. Not to mention, both have seen SHOLAY close to 20 times..
This passion is then.. Genetic I guess... :)
There could be as many answers as the people it has been posed to for the simple reason that passion is not a simply defined term that is same for everyone. It differs from person to person. For me personally, passion can be described in word .... CINEMA
Yes that oft repeated cliche of a word that is very loosely a passion for any person who crosses the streets of this country or has a respectable job or carries out his daily chores. The first desire any one may have had would be of BECOMING A HERO. In a country driven by the madness of cricket and movies, it is very understandable how ordinary men and women rise up to the level of gods and goddesses. It is nothing but a telling statement on the sheer magnetic power of the beautiful medium of cinema that gives a collective vent to the dreams of millions , the anguish of another billion and delivers hope and joy to trillions worldwide.
My first brush with cinema was in 1989 when my mom and dad took their 4 yr old son(urs truly!!) to Shiela theater in north delhi for the evening show of Sooraj Barjatya's Salman Khan and Bhagyashree starrer Maine Pyaar Kiya. Truth be told, i dont remember much of that experience but i do have vague images of my mom getting teary eyed right before the interval. I evidently wasnt in the frame of mind to understand what the fuss was all about but after seeing the movie again (all grown up now!! :D) it does ring a bell.
My second big movie impact was when I was taken to see the Amitabh Bachchan starrer HUM. Now the pre-release hype for the film was enormous ,riding on Bachchan's comeback and the absolutely foot-tapping crowd pleaser of a song --JUMMA CHUMMA. My mom and dad being thr biggest Bachchan fans had already made a big hype abt catching it first day first show. As we sat in the seats and the theater began to reverberate with anticipation I felt a thrill that would change my life forever.... and as soon as Amitabh Bachchan appeared as TIGER in all his roaring glory... all hell broke loose.
The impact was too hard to be taken away... At that very moment my passion had been fixed. What intrigued me was , what power does this art-form possess to send millions collectively into a mad frenzy.
Over the years this interest turned passion turned mad obsession has become so overpowering that the biggest high I get is when film something on camera(digital or otherwise!) , edit it and then show it to the ppl it is intended for!!
One statement that has left a deep impact on my psyche is by the film-maker avant garde Ram Gopal Verma. Known for his clutter-breaking approach towards creating cinema, when he was questioned about the intention behind making BHOOT, he replied," Bhoot has no ghosts for the first 30 minutes , but those are the most scary parts according to the audience. As a director I love the power of manipulating the collective psyche of a 500 strong audience and seeing how they react if i unsettle them using camera and sound only."
On this journey of understanding cinema and trying to create some of my own , I have discovered a few truths about myself as well. To quote an example my father pawned his books to watch Raj Kapoor's Bobby by travelling to Agra all the way from Faridabad and never took his books back.. and my mother stood for hours outside Kamal Hassan's house just to get a glimpse of him while studying in Chennai. Not to mention, both have seen SHOLAY close to 20 times..
This passion is then.. Genetic I guess... :)
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