The moment of truth .....

All of us define our reality in our own particular way. All our impressions, our reactions, our impulses and our way of thinking are shaped up by those BIG moments of truth we have encountered. To state the truth, all these supposed moments of truth are moments when failures has reigned supreme. It could be failure to achieve what u set out to, failure at love , failure at a professional level etc. Its a design flaw written into the human DNA to measure reality by failure. Its what they call the DARK patches in life.

Recently, I interacted with a guy who had stars in his eyes and dreams for his pocket. In his CV he had mentioned that he has never faced failure in his life. Enough to raise eyebrows and invite a volley of questions and cross-questions on his logic. The point here is , how can one not face failure in life. After all we are humans , we are not perfect, we will surely make mistakes and if we are smart enough, even learn from them.

There is a general tendancy among people of trying to avoid sympathy by hiding their worst fears or failures under the farce of inner strength and self-reliance. But come to think of it can you really stop someone from feeling something for you , be it sympathy or anything else. At best you convey the dire need of support you may have by acting strong. No one is follish enough not to read between the lines and understand what someone is going through. We ,soo underestimate the power of TONE when we speak. Everything isnt contained in the words as all the intelligent readers of this may already know.

Coming to the point of MOMENTS OF TRUTH, Just like anyone else, I have had points in life when I have had to go 20 steps backwards to move 5 forward. For an emotional fool like me , this problem was even more compounded by the percieved negativity about a mishap which was much higher than the actual figure.
The word mishap is used very loosely here so just read on and u r free to disagree as always ::

One of the first setbacks I had in life which I had taken rather too hard on me was flunking in 4 subjects out of 6 in my 12th board exams. For ppl who know me, it is quite obvious that it wudnt have affected me too much personally and I wud have been as nonchalant as always. But considering the stakes here viz,BOARD exams and parental expectations, this was sacrilege. What totally shook me up wasnt the ugly marksheet but my mother's breaking down on seeing it. Today I look back at it as one of those moments when I really really caused my mother to hang her head in shame and yes I have grown up and all but the little boy inside sometimes comes out and tries to turrn those pages backwards to try reverse what happened,screw the marks ,atleast the crying part....

The second major mishap is related to my best friend. As already mentioned, my nonchalance to anything was partly due to my taking it for granted that whatever happens my best friend would be there with me. We connected at a level that was wayy beyond conventional friendships. He was that brother who I had the luck to choose on this planet. He was my backbone,my support system. I used to be fearless to the point of being arrogant. And then god played one of his little games to make me see the fragility of life and dreams. One fine day on a hot summer afternoon I get a call saying he has left us. I was too shocked to even react and too stunned to cry. I very silently went to his place and saw him wrapped in white cloth. I still remember I din cry one tear even when i gave him a shoulder to be taken to the cremation ground. I was silent for 3 hours after that and only in the night after coming home and checking my cellphone for any missed calls did I break down!!  I experienced the thing about bad news, no matter how hard you try escaping it , u cant and its better to take it on the chin than shy away from it..

Two major incidents that are as fresh as ever in my mind. Two incidents that have made me or shaped me , whatever u may want to call it. I know 2 is too lesss but the other moments are for some other day and its a promise that I will write about them too.

For the time being , the first moment had an anti-thesis when I got my first job and this time both my parents cried, for obvious reasons of course( being the only son in a filmy family does that u know!!  :D) ...

And I am still in touch with my best friend, dont ask how... coz the explanation could send me to an assylum. I will say just this that I talk to him regularly ....

Moments of Truth... aaah  Life can be such a mess but thats when the beauty of it comes out !! I know you wont understand what am talking about , but you would someday...  :D